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Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Day Ninety Two

We hardly did any school yesterday, I was way overtired and felt frantic all day.  Banker decided he wanted to move into the guest room, the smaller bedroom he shares a bathroom with.  He said a smaller room is easier to keep clean and organized and I couldn't argue that logic.  We spent time time moving some of his things from one room to the other.  I think it'll ultimately make it easier to clean his room because we'll touch everything going into the smaller room and it'll either fit or go out.  I have friends coming this summer and again in the fall so it'll be nice for them to have a big guest room.  Anyway, it'll be a great way to purge. 

Today it's back to the grind. 

I redid the schedule for this week, moving days around and putting the most important stuff on it, math, science, English, and leaving some, typing, grammar games, brain pop type sites, etc., for next week.  It's math day. He has to spend time doing review of the final chapter in T4L then one chapter, lesson and systematic review then test in MathUSee.  OH, then he's going to wash my floor, and I'm going to watch him do it, with a coffee or better yet with a glass of wine and a cocktail.  

How does floor washing go with math you may ask?  Oh, The Banker made another bad bad choice last night.  I am trying to decide if I'm in a snit about the actual infraction, the potential for damaging a very expensive piece of technology or the sneaky factor?  Thank God he didn't lie about it though, I'd have truly exploded for that.  I am so past getting angry about it, it's upset him more that I'm not moaning at him but rather just shook my head but did tell him how terribly disappointed I am.  

I am, however, quietly sitting here trying to figure out how to fix the ongoing choice problem.  My gut reaction says freedom, he's got too much freedom.  That's easy to fix.  I am going to re-add the parental controls on everything he touches and we'll go from there.  I take some, not ALL, the blame.  I think only children are sometimes expected to make the kid-person leap and I think I'm guilty sometimes.  I have no other children here to compare any actions of maturity or immaturity to so I just expect him to be older.  When he makes ridiculous childish choices, I'm shocked when really, I shouldn't be.  I legitimately thought he was over it after our last blow up of last week?!?!  

I am shocked at some of his "I can do whatever I want" choices and attitudes lately.  He did just turn 13 and I think I'd hoped he'd be spared some of the stupidness and idiot ideas of what's ok to do.  He sighs now, my husband sighs all the time, if they both sigh at me at the same time...I will move the hell out.

I will say I think I might be lucky he's doing it in the house, with traceable electronic devices as opposed to roaming the streets with hoodlums.  I may be having guilt about his occasional solitude of home school rather than blowing out steam with his buddies at school, he does it here, online, to stay in touch?  I don't know.  I'm not going to "blame" home school for every infraction.  I think I still have angst from my mother being here.  Even though she wasn't "watching", I think I felt watched, that's on me not her. 

I guess rather than going crazy, I'll merely tighten reigns yet again and watch and learn. In the scheme of things, there's worse but that doesn't give me any comfort.

I will say I think I am having an easier time than some of my friends with teenage boys.  I think, at the end of it, the ride will be a pretty easy one BUT right now, when I'm in it...I am not a happy camper.

I hated 12 and I think I'm going to hate 13.  I'm trying not to make a judgement on a whole year, it's only been 6 days but truly, I'm not a fan of the age already. The other age I hated was 7, they go from little kids to kids at 7 and I hated that attitude adjustment.  I guess I've had a few year of not hating an age but it feels like seriously disliking 12 has lasted way longer than a year and the prospect of another year of it just makes my head hurt.

For today, I'm torn between sitting beside him all day checking every key stroke and pencil stroke and laying on the couch with coffee, until it's wine time, leaving him to impress me with his hard, unsupervised, work. 

I wasn't having a great day yesterday, today surely isn't any nicer.  


To add to my general mope, the girls seem relatively happy in their coop although it's raining steadily (IN TEXAS?!?!) since they've been living out there so it's damp, muddy and stinky.  The porch and gazebos are mud pits, the clay weighs down your shoes trying to even go out there.  So, I'm moaning about inside AND outside, bonus.

I'm going to make cookies, and then I am going to eat them all.

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