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Sunday, February 19, 2012

Day Eleven and Twelve (weekend)

We are absolutely taking these days off.   As weird as it seems, weekends still feel different from the week, that's a good thing, I think if they all mashed together I'd go quite mad.

I am finding that I'm very messed up with time and errands and chores, things I usually do through the week versus on the weekend.  I mean, I don't have to get all the laundry done on Sunday anymore because Banker CAN wear jammies to school Monday morning and I can easily do laundry, dishes, sweep, mop during the week while "we" work.

That being said I cannot sit and do nothing.  I tried yesterday morning to lay around with my iPad (I have a cold trying to hold of me) and play games and there was no way.  Hubba laid sat on the recliner with the vibrating oversnoring overfat (but he keeps feeding him?!) WalterPug for hours and I about lost my mind. 

I find it hard enough to do nothing on my own but watching other people do nothing too, when there is so much to do here, yeah, no. 

I dragged kiddo out to a couple of store, we ended up being met by Hubba at Frys and we got the new sd card for kiddo's new Android Tablet.  Hubba is a massive Ubid fan and got him one as a congrats on doing well in the new system. 

When we got back, one went on the computer and one in the recliner to watchtv sleep snore moan so I was self banished to the gameroom.  I never sit up there and watch tv, I rather enjoyed it actually and plan on doing it a lot more. 

It's all part of the not being able to settle when man is home.  Husband seems more relaxed with our system as well and and days at work haven't resulted in nearly the stiff, formal feeling evenings had.  I can't figure out why he seems to be the only one there who stays till 7 but whatever.  I won't go into the me making food that I am proud of that I hope they love then having it sit on a counter for 2-3 hours and there's nothing that can survive that without turning to crap.  Oh and no, I'm not prepared to feed kiddo and I at 7:30-8 at night.  The other guys seem to eat dinner with their families every once in a while but that's just my eye rolling snippy little side issue opinion.  But I digress.

Although husband said he might start taking random days off, I asked him to please do it on field trip day, I'm going to need a lot of notice to move stuff/plans/me around when I'm planning 3+ weeks in advance.  Having him here during school time will would royally screw  the day/system/schedule/the way it all works, particularly with us being so new in.  *sigh*  I actually got a knot in my stomach when he said it.  Banker would not be able to function either, he's a different kid when he's here working with me and I do NOT want to alter that even for a moment just yet.  

I guess it'd work if he was futzing around on father projects around here, so it felt like we were all working but with us trying to get work done and hubba wandering , I'd have a tough time keeping us focused, well, ok, me focused.  Husband was at home for a couple of weeks and I thought I would perish from it.  I ran fake errands to look busier?!  It was exhausting.  He'd wander harmlessly through with his iPad playing some shooter game and sit outside smoking for an hour or more and I'd be frantic to look as though I was doing something that someone else might consider worthwhile, while not sitting. I didn't even sew, there's a chair involved.

It's not all his fault, he'd probably just do his usual upstairs in the dark on his computer or sleep in the recliner but I cannot sit down when hubba is in the house.  Maybe if he was doing something or working around the house or something?  Little projects that the dad is supposed to be in charge of, futz on the porch, patch a crack, try to figure out how to deal with the crevasse at our front door where the porch fell away from the house, I don't know.  

My unease came about from comments he made regularly about since I stay home I must do nothing and it's stuck with me and I literally, cannot sit down when he is in the house through the week, it's exhausting.  It's like your mom standing watching you clean, you know absolutely you're not doing it right.  With my confidence sort of precarious at the moment, I wouldn't be able to function with even my perception of being watched and yes, just being in the house counts as watching.  I know I'd be corrected during a walk through and that would upset me and even more upset the Banker, everything gets corrected here, compliments are never given without a correction and frankly, that would do me in just now. I'm not stupid or little and I need to forge ahead without interjection to stop me from letting outside perceptions make me believe that I am.

Sure, it's all psychotically on me this perception and dread but it's real and it seriously affects the way I do whatever it is that I do.

Anyway, that's my moan and new worry.  

Public school is off tomorrow but we are not.  I have "the girls" coming for lunch on Thursday and even though Banker will be mostly done by the time they get here, I'm prepared for a messed about day. 

I have the next 2 weeks scheduled and printed.  I think it's going to be a good week.  I am going to start looking for another solid field trip for us the week of the 27th.  

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