Day Five, 8th

So, we went to Orientation at the new CoOp today.  The people are lovely and I'm sure it'll be fine.  

The Banker is going to be volunteering with 3-4 year olds for an hour, go to an art class held in a hallway with 4 other teenagers and then he's taking a Spanish class with about 10 other teenagers.  I, on the other hand, am going to be assisting in the nursery (under 2) then helping in an Early elementary "general science" class for the K-2 crowd then in a phonics type class also for the K-2 age group.

The Banker is a product of both some military drilling from public school but also from his own desire and need for the straight and narrow, rules, regulations and organization.  Sure, I am a hippie but I can't deal with chaos and there's a 'need for order' strip in my head that needs constant attention.  We learned today some people who home school feel their children may be too precious for rules.  I may not survive.

Well, ok, I obviously will survive, I can do anything 12 times and maybe the little kids will be adorable and darling and I will be counting the days until my next encounter with them. 

There is then the set up and take down, the CoOp is at the local church so all the seating /tables /chairs supplies are temporary and need to go up and down each Friday.  I don't really know what I thought this would be, but this isn't it.  Ok, I said it.

I'm sure it'll be fine, I think it'll be good for the Banker.  He saw how shattered I was after the orientation today and started to go down the "I don't have to go here..." road.  Oh, no no no, Banker, baby...that's not what I meant when I teared up in the car... It'll be fine, you'll have a great time.  Guilt from you?  Oh, I'm not having THAT!  We had a chat that I wasn't happy about my having to deal with little kids but that was hardly a deal breaker for him to attend.  

We knew this semester was going to be a CoOp "fruits and nuts" semester, he didn't have to take anything that mattered, this was to get us both out of the house.  I'll be even more honest though, if I am going to be able to get out of the house, I do not (read that in capital letters) want to spend that limited time in the company or care of other people's little children.  

I am absolutely filled with horror for the next 12 weeks of my life as well as all consuming guilt at feeling so negative about this.  After all, I am fully aware this isn't about ME, it's about the Banker.  I am doing this whole home school deal for him.  Life, for me, would be far less stressful if he was in a public school turning into a robot like the rest of them.  I want HIM to have a better life and am willing to do whatever it takes,  however I have to spend time, for the next few months, in order for that to happen, I have to give up a full day a week to babysit.  I feel ill about the whole thing.

Luckily, it'll only be until November (yeah, that seems years away) because we had already decided we would find the Banker a credit course next semester.  I think I'll reopen my One Day Academy folder and revisit that idea. 

I'm going to take the next week trying not to be frantic, judgmental or fret.  I am going to calm down, look at it as a fun diversion and take advantage of any opportunities this affords.  Maybe there's some brilliant silver lining I can't see through my ... "horror" seems a bit extreme.  Trepidation is a better description of what I'm feeling. 

Have I already said I'm sure it'll be fine?  

He finished his History from yesterday and I've given him the rest of the day off to play in Minecraft land (he is going to try the new server through austinareahomeschoolers) and anyway, he's worked hard this week, he just needs to be able to have a great (rest of his) Friday. 

Me?  Oh I'm going to fret and have another glass of wine.

/Tracy