yet another revisit to the New List Scheduling idea...

Well, we're rearranging out scheduling and planning yet AGAIN.  Ya ya ya, this is my version of moving furniture around hundreds of times.

I have wanted to wean the Banker off the daily schedule broken down by day.  As part of this  exercise, I want him to THINK about his week, PLAN his time, ARRANGE his schedule and COMPLETE his work in a timely, organized manner.  I think these skills need to be not a special class but an ongoing system of organization that he will use for the rest of his life.  In university, no one will tell him what to do each day, at work, he'll be responsible for completing whatever task lay before him and his honey-do list will look something like this I'm sure.  So, let's get going on this again, kiddo......

I tried the big list system with the Banker and he had a nervous break down, he couldn't cope with one all encompassing list.  He needed his day listed with what classes he needed to complete on any given day so he had a visible beginning and end to his day when he sat down.  He couldn't cope with a list of 12 classes that he had to schedule out on his own so we went back to the full week system.  I've been giving him 5 pages of lists of what his responsibility was each day.  

THEN I had an epiphany and started messing with the subjects on the days.  I stopped putting times and started putting half work split between days. Then I started messing the days around so Monday stopped being math day and Wednesday stopped being science.  I moved subjects around the week and told him it was a general guideline for the day.  THEN I put all the really hard stuff on Monday and then a full day of easy quick stuff, I tried to make it really, really unbalanced and I found he organized the week on his own to balance it out.  There started to be a natural system for completing work based on the general matter of the subjects like he tended to do science, physics and Astro-biology on the same day.  He did world history, world study together and so on.  He organized without even realizing it.  

Way to accidentally change systems...nice stuff, Banker boy!

I held off till last week when I again raised the idea of the List system and surprise, he seems delighted with the idea ;)  HAHAHA  Way to go, Hippie Girl! 

So, this is what his new weekly schedule looks like: 

  

I told you, we're old school, paper, pen and a 3 ring binder.  I like the binder system so that we can flip back and get a real, tangible sense of the sheer volume of work we've done this academic year.

He gets a master list with any special notes about the week so he can do a mental overview.  Then he gets the list broken down into the details.  I think it's visually easy to have a master list he can check off and organize in his head rather than my crazy loopy handwriting where it's broken down.  He does like a smart list :)  He can check off the master list as he completes tasks and has a quick and easy reference to what he needs to complete.  I think it's a pretty balanced schedule.  

We just reviewed the List, talked about expectations and the fact we'll be out playing all Thursday at a Minecraft fest at a library with other home school teenagers (allegedly) and then we may go visit a new home schooling friend to chat and drop hints and tips, as many as I have ??  I mean, c'mon, when did I become the go to person?  ACK!  I don't know what I'm doing but we're doing loads of it ;)

We'll see how well the Banker copes with the list and how well he balances his week.  I have solid faith.  I'll report back on Friday. 

/tracy 

Week 10, 8th

School, it's fine.  Life?  Oh it's ridiculous.

I am in the midst of a whirlwind of drama both self imposed and beset upon.  I'm trying to find my place in the universe while fighting demons that have haunted me for my whole life and trying to determine if it matters whether I matter.  Yeah, light stuff like that.  Everyone around me seems annoyed, anxious or just angry all the time which doesn't help my precarious and infinitely fragile grasp on whatever it is I'm holding on to.

Yeah, school is fine.  The Banker is progressing through, on the whole successful and seemingly enjoying the education process we have established.  He thinks he's learning things, seems engaged and academically content.  He's being challenged and is still humming and singing through lessons, that's got to be good.

He's 13 and going through all the appropriate teen angst that boys do.  He is equally pissy, angry and needy, demanding and withdrawn, silly and weepy.  He needs as many hugs as smacks.  I don't think I've experienced quite so proficient an eye roller either.  It's delightful.  My only saving grace is the coffee chats with dear girlfriends who offer support, commiseration and one hell of a giggle. We aren't the only ones.  whew

He is not as mature as some of his friends in some areas yet he's much more mature in others, it's a precarious place, 13.  He takes games intensely but lightly and is shattered when those around him take it oh so seriously, "...I've never been more disappointed in anyone or anything in my whole entire life" isn't the sort of text one likes seeing your son receive in relation to a game.  It's a GAME!  Take your play seriously or not but don't throw that sort of drama out into the universe, and certainly don't throw it in my house. Watch me not explode, implode or hide a body.  We need to get out more and find more humans to take up more space, it'll help take the edge off some of the expectations I think, I hope, I'll make it.

In other news, I discovered that I'm being stalked online.  Stalked is perhaps a bit intense, I'm being followed and then that which I share, dramatic or funny or culinary or cryptic as they may be are being copied and emailed out into cyberspace.  Creepy? Sure.  Yesterday I would have fallen apart at the supposed betrayal but really, if (I) put it out there you can't expect not to be busted on it.  I tell the Banker daily that there are no secrets and there is no privacy online.  It's there...forever.  I'm now looking at it as a cool, I'm so interesting that my thoughts, feelings and cryptic observations are being copied and sent around the world.  Does that make me famous?  More famous. I'm no victim, I'm a rock star.  

I also had my weep at not belonging where I thought I did, I had an epiphany in the wee hours last night, after a whole life of trying, I can't make people (who I thought just would like me) like me and I think it's about time I stopped.  I have allowed my own self worth to be based on the perceived opinions of other people.  As I said, it's about time I stopped.  I thought a relationship was fixed but it was so horrifyingly clear the other day it hasn't.  I think that stops too.  Look at me being all together.  It's not mental health or direction found, it's exhaustion.  I'm exhausted and can't fight any more. 

I've also been playing a game I shouldn't play.  I've been waiting for a compliment, just an out of the blue, random, you look/smell/sound nice, you did a good job, i liked that, you are good at whatever it is you do.  I was keeping track in days, now it's weeks.  Sometimes you just can't stop, I have 4 months invested and it'll be interesting to see if it ever comes to pass.  See, it all feeds into me thinking I suck and aren't good at anything.  If you have to constantly ask if it's ok and there's no support or joy coming back, it's hard as hell to not fall off the cliff.  But I digress, this isn't supposed to be about me it's about home schooling a very straight line kid when I'm, well, look at me *ugh*

We are going to go to more movies in the next couple of weeks, do more outdoor stuff.  We are going to watch movies from the couch and eat popcorn for dinner.  There will be less online games, more live people chatting.  There will be a review of the sorts of people in our lives and what role they play.  You don't have to do everything with everyone in your life, kiddo, some people you just don't want to play cards with and some you can't imagine going to the mall without.  Everyone has a place and the place isn't always everywhere. 

I'm going to call a little girl who makes me feel happy when I see her projects, crafts and read her stories and I want to tell her so.  I am going to make some bread, supervise some algebra and assign a photography project on feet.

I'm going to divide up the leftovers as dinner and eat a very large mug full of chocolate ice cream at some point in my day. 

So, how about that home schooling. 

/Tracy

Week 3, 8th

Wow, what a Labor Day weekend!

TUESDAY

We had a great 3 days, loads of playing, chickens, puppy time, eggs, friends, cocktails and plans for the future. WOW.

I will be honest, it was hard to get motivated today, I need a day off :)

Alouette is laying 1 egg every 30 hours or so, the other chickens are lollygagging about and resting on her laurels. I'm not above eating them. I think they know it and start to squawk and honk loudly when they see me, in a veiled attempt to lull me into a false sense of thinking they're trying to lay eggs. That's my current theory.

The Banker is working hard today, it's language arts day. I'm trying to ensure we're back on track so we can move into some of the 'elective' things he wants to do. It seemed we were fighting upstream last week and I don't want to feel that way.

I simply removed Mondays classes from our roster this week so there's no trying to make up the classes we didn't do Monday (labor day) sometimes you simply have to play the day away with friends without consequence. I like that.

I am going to download the second Hunger Games book for the Banker to start reading this week, hopefully we'll have a less stressful reading program than we had over the summer. I bought it for his Nook, I hope he enjoys it! I bought the second and third books actually so he can finish the trilogy. My mom told me about some teen book that is all the rage (she's further in the loop than me!), she's bought him the paper book, "Divergent", my niece is a huge fan of that series apparently. We like a little familial pressure to perform ;)

The CoOp starts this Friday and I am dreading it. That's all I'll say about that right now. I don't want to jinx it or send bad vibes to the Banker. I can do anything 12 times, 11 if I catch something and as long as it's not chaos, the Banker will have a great time and that is the whole point there. I may pack a flask. No one need know.

In other news, Pug puppy Alice is a joy, a sheer and utter joy. She hasn't had an accident since she arrived and has rung the bells to go outside a number of times. I can't see an accident happening. She is still very young, 3 mos, so no doubt she could forget or just squat but since the other two are regular bell ringing goer outers, Alice is on their schedule anyway. She does start to charge around the house like mad when she's playing with Lola in the evenings and when I send her outside when she's frantic like that she always produces, like any youngster, having too much fun to want to stop and go to the bathroom. Only a week and I can't remember our house without her in it.

We are supposed to go to a park tomorrow morning but we are blowing that off. I want to get the work this week under our belts. My mother arrives on Monday and that'll give us loads of reasons to divert over the next two weeks so we may as well work while we have the house to ourselves and no diversion to goof off. We can take time when she's here to play.

I haven't made any noises about getting a minecraft play time together, I've been busy playing myself. I have that on my short list of things to do this week, maybe we can do one at the Microsoft store at the Domain in Austin in which case the Banker can cyberplay and my mother and I can shop at my new favorite cooking store there, Sur La Table. We'll see.

I'm cooking a big roast dinner tonight for some reason, 102 degrees isn't going to get me down because sometimes I just feel like roast chicken, mashed potatoes, peas, glazed carrots, gravy and stuffing. Mmmmm. I have a hankering and when the mother has a hankering, everyone eats well ;)

/Tracy

WEDNESDAY

I have a treadmill in my house now.  Hubba surprised me on the weekend with one.  We have an elliptical but I can't use it with my crazy ankle and hip.  When I turned 48, something happened to me and I found myself starting to swell, not unlike a balloon being inflated.  Peri-menopause symptoms, said my Dr.  WTHell? Now, after no change in my lifestyle or intake I'm 2 sizes bigger and rounder and moodier (yes, it was possible apparently) and menopausal and figured a way to help me (enjoyably!) cut a pound or two (other than removing a limb) was to start walking on a treadmill. It's Austin, Texas, it's always too hot for me to walk outside. I walk 1.25 miles in the morning and again in the afternoon. Unfortunately, walking on a treadmill makes me starving hungry and after the walk this morning I walked downstairs and ate half a BLT with cheddar that I made on a half loaf of ciabatta I made, a banana, a glass of milk, a cookie and 14 milk chocolate covered pretzels. Yeah, this is going to work beautifully. *thud*

FRIDAY

It's first day of Co-Op today. I'm trying not to fret.  This isn't about me, after all.  It's about The Banker.  He is taking volunteer hours (which everyone should) he's taking high school art (to mess with his academic brain and loosen him up a bit) and then Spanish (which everyone should, any foreign language).  It's his fruits and nuts semester.  I told him he can do 'serious' class/es next semester at One Day or Bronze Door ($$!)  I'm going to spend 3 hours a week with little children.  I planned this badly but am not going to moan about it anymore.  As long as the Banker is happy, I will be happy.

This, by the way is the moment in time I intend to use in later years as part of my 'becoming a burden' to the Banker.  This story, this experience is why he has to take care of me when I'm old and feeble.  I'd thought about it over the years and tried to determine which moment I could pinpoint as the one moment he owes me for.  This is the one.  It's not that I don't like other people's little children it is that I don't like other people's little wild children.  I am not going to prejudge too heavily today though.  I haven't even met those children.  Perhaps they'll be delightful.

Baby Pug Alice is still doing wonderfully, no accidents and doing well in the crate.  She loves the chickens, doesn't chase them anymore and completely and fully believes Lola is her mother.  I have been really consistent with the crate and feeding and schedules which is why there's been no accidents in my house.  She comes to her name, is relatively obedient, for a little girl, and loves to have a good cuddle.

I have been working her up to almost 3 hours in the crate in the morning then 2 in the afternoon after a play and a feed.  She has to do her longest stint yet today, 3 1/2 hours and I fully intend on using her as an excuse to bolt out of there after CoOp today.  Sure it's lame but it's what I am going to do.  I can't remember a time she wasn't here, crazy little dog.  Lola is doing a beautiful job training her and keeping her occupied at my request.  I can't imagine having a puppy without Lola around to do the actual work.

We had a great day yesterday, changing the subject.  FriendE came with her boys, FriendJ and FriendZ.  True to form the children vanished with laptops and we only saw them when their need for food and drink surpassed their need to do whatever it is they were doing.  Mining emeralds apparently.  Minecraft of course.  I made an enormous platter of sandwiches and chips and sent them away upstairs.  Sometimes I really love my gameroom.

FriendE and I chatted about homeschool things, she'd purchased a book we looked through.  It was nice to have the chat with someone in the same boat.  We both feel overwhelmed and underwhelmed by our science options and choices.  We designed the perfect 8th-12th grade science curriculum, now if someone would merely produce it, we'd be set!

An interesting thing happened as well.  FriendE brought her crochet.  I haven't crocheted for a while, choosing to switch to the much faster and more instantly gratifying sewing/serging and embroidering.  I haven't played with my hooks or sticks since the fire in the craft room.  She had seen a pattern online she wanted to do but wasn't prepared to pay $9 for the instructions.  I agreed.  We deconstructed the pattern, we can do that, and wrote our own version and voila, our own pattern and that poor girl who spent all that time and effort writing her .pdf to sell, well, sorry for your luck, dear.

I had a small epiphany about it actually.  I realized I really do enjoy knitting and crochet.  It's infinitely portable and something I can do in addition to the food and the writing while we are in school mode and in the same room as the Banker.  Something I cannot do with the machines. Hmmm, sometimes it takes a simple question, "hey, do you think we can figure out this pattern so we don't have to pay this girl?" to make you rediscover something you thoroughly enjoy doing.

I'm going to play with my sticks and hooks more again and I'm sort of delighted about it.  I am also completely delighted with my treadmill and am continuing to do 1.25 miles, twice a day, with my headphones on, unplugged from everything except the noises in my head.  I love it.  I may not be able to ever go out or ever be on my own but this machine buys me 30 minutes of 'leave me alone' time and that is never ever a bad thing.

I'll report back on how our day progressed, of course.

/Tracy

FRIDAY, part deux

Sometimes, when we fret and worry about something we've never experienced, it becomes bigger than life.  I am a firm believer that most of the time, the fear of the thing is so much worse than the actual thing.  Well, usually.  Not today.  Today it was worse.  Much, much, much worse.

The Banker had a great time, he loved helping out the little kids for his volunteer hour.  He knew one of the little boys in the class which made them both feel a little more special.  He absolutely loved Art class and got kudos for a job well done from the teacher.  He loved his Spanish class and excitedly told me about the homework he has, the similarities between Spanish and Latin and generally bubbled over about the whole experience.  It warms my heart to see him so joyful about this.

I was in hell.  I thought I would hate my experience but had no idea how much I would hate it.  All my nagging little fears were incalculably multiplied.  I have to do it 11 more times, 10 if I can manage to catch something horrible.  I wonder where I can catch something horrible.  Leprosy? Plague?  I'm easy and don't really care which.  Summarizing my experience?  OH, I.absolutely.hate.it.  For fear of anyone involved potentially seeing this, I won't do any detail, it would be disrespectful and I don't want to do that.  I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings...a blog or my opinion are never worth it.  All I will say on the matter is the Banker is happy and glowing and excited and for that, I will continue to do anything.  I on the other hand, spent 3 hours of my day today watching to run screaming, I'm not being over dramatic here, I literally wanted to run...screaming...

I think I'll go have a little nervous breakdown now, just a little one, in my room, all alone.  I told the Banker how much I hated it.  He knew by my face and my frantic exit from the facility.  I told him how much I hated it with a smile and a giggle of course, you can't take this too seriously and the level of which I hate this is actually comical.  I hope I made him feel better about me hating it.  He does worry.  He was concerned I'd quit and then he would have to.  I assured him I would never quit something he enjoyed so much.  I can do 11 more.  Or 10, there's always the potential for Scabies? Rabies?  Lice?

When I go to my room for my little breakdown, I may actually shed a tear or two, stress tears of course.  Then I'll be over it and will suck it up.

Besides the fear I had/have of breaking the Banker and ruining the rest of his life, this moment in time is the worst home school moment (so far).

/Tracy

Day Five, 8th

So, we went to Orientation at the new CoOp today.  The people are lovely and I'm sure it'll be fine.  

The Banker is going to be volunteering with 3-4 year olds for an hour, go to an art class held in a hallway with 4 other teenagers and then he's taking a Spanish class with about 10 other teenagers.  I, on the other hand, am going to be assisting in the nursery (under 2) then helping in an Early elementary "general science" class for the K-2 crowd then in a phonics type class also for the K-2 age group.

The Banker is a product of both some military drilling from public school but also from his own desire and need for the straight and narrow, rules, regulations and organization.  Sure, I am a hippie but I can't deal with chaos and there's a 'need for order' strip in my head that needs constant attention.  We learned today some people who home school feel their children may be too precious for rules.  I may not survive.

Well, ok, I obviously will survive, I can do anything 12 times and maybe the little kids will be adorable and darling and I will be counting the days until my next encounter with them. 

There is then the set up and take down, the CoOp is at the local church so all the seating /tables /chairs supplies are temporary and need to go up and down each Friday.  I don't really know what I thought this would be, but this isn't it.  Ok, I said it.

I'm sure it'll be fine, I think it'll be good for the Banker.  He saw how shattered I was after the orientation today and started to go down the "I don't have to go here..." road.  Oh, no no no, Banker, baby...that's not what I meant when I teared up in the car... It'll be fine, you'll have a great time.  Guilt from you?  Oh, I'm not having THAT!  We had a chat that I wasn't happy about my having to deal with little kids but that was hardly a deal breaker for him to attend.  

We knew this semester was going to be a CoOp "fruits and nuts" semester, he didn't have to take anything that mattered, this was to get us both out of the house.  I'll be even more honest though, if I am going to be able to get out of the house, I do not (read that in capital letters) want to spend that limited time in the company or care of other people's little children.  

I am absolutely filled with horror for the next 12 weeks of my life as well as all consuming guilt at feeling so negative about this.  After all, I am fully aware this isn't about ME, it's about the Banker.  I am doing this whole home school deal for him.  Life, for me, would be far less stressful if he was in a public school turning into a robot like the rest of them.  I want HIM to have a better life and am willing to do whatever it takes,  however I have to spend time, for the next few months, in order for that to happen, I have to give up a full day a week to babysit.  I feel ill about the whole thing.

Luckily, it'll only be until November (yeah, that seems years away) because we had already decided we would find the Banker a credit course next semester.  I think I'll reopen my One Day Academy folder and revisit that idea. 

I'm going to take the next week trying not to be frantic, judgmental or fret.  I am going to calm down, look at it as a fun diversion and take advantage of any opportunities this affords.  Maybe there's some brilliant silver lining I can't see through my ... "horror" seems a bit extreme.  Trepidation is a better description of what I'm feeling. 

Have I already said I'm sure it'll be fine?  

He finished his History from yesterday and I've given him the rest of the day off to play in Minecraft land (he is going to try the new server through austinareahomeschoolers) and anyway, he's worked hard this week, he just needs to be able to have a great (rest of his) Friday. 

Me?  Oh I'm going to fret and have another glass of wine.

/Tracy

Day ONE HUNDRED

Wow.  What a great day yesterday we had.  We didn't do any work but I got to spend time with grown up friends while the Banker visited then entertained.  There was laughter emanating from my relatively destroyed game room for hours and hours.  I chatted and visited.  I commiserated and got some support from friends on some decisions.  I made plans for next week.  It was a grand day.  


In school related news.  


I am discontinuing Time4Learning today.  It filled a gap, gave the Banker a curriculum to leap to from jumping the public school ship.  I think it's too young for him now, it's time to move on.  I am cancelling it today.  


I am ending formal school this week.  Math and English will continue through the summer, so will reading.  He is going to have to read Tom Sawyer, Huck Finn and Uncle Tom's Cabin this summer.  Luckily, FriendA has to read them too so they can moan together.  I offered dinner and a "book club" review when they finish each book, that met with some support.  I love a plan. 


FriendE and I were brilliant yesterday.  As we sat at the table talking about Texas education and Austin schools ... we suddenly realized Texas is 24th and has a "D" grade in education for the country, so we researched who had the best and came up with Massachusetts as the solid winner.  We searched the MA education agency and schools and found fabulous links to the books, curriculum and plans for their 8th graders.  Oh hello, yes, we'll be utilizing THAT information.  The Austin 8th grade curriculum links are password protected. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  What's so secret about what you're teaching our 8th graders??  MA's 8th grade curriculum, online books and resources provides passwords and user names.  Wow, way to support the youth of America.    I will absolutely be utilizing out of state resources, the local ones are sad, archaic and apparently so secret that parents aren't to be trusted viewing them, or WORSE, letting the children see!  


I have a really good feeling about 8th grade.  I have solid plans and solid plans to get more information from friends and online.  I think it's going to be great. 


I haven't broken the news to Banker that this is his final "formal" week of 7th grade just yet but I am telling the home school mothers around me so they have a head's up.  I'm all about the village :) 


This is our remaining work day this week, we played all day yesterday and are playing all day tomorrow.  Husband is off work and I decided to embrace it.  We are all going to a 12:30 movie then FriendK and her son are coming up for a visit.  I will throw the boys upstairs and she and I will drink wine, look at chickens and relax and visit.  I'm really really looking forward to it.  Really. 


I'm going to make bread today, make smoothies, and I am actually going to sew something!  I want to make a "mug rug" and dammit, I am going to!  We used to call them mini place mats but now they have a hip cool name.  Bigger than a coaster and smaller than a place mat, I can put my coffee and a small plate or just a pile of chips on it.  It'll soak the condensation ring from the cold drinks and just look pretty under my hot ones.    Banker and his microscope can move to the other side of the room, I am taking my studio back!  After I make a couple, I am going to invite FriendA to come and make some for her mom, her house and her life.  She needs to sew more anyway.  


Ok, there's a day, there's a plan and husband went to work and Banker is still asleep.  I am going to enjoy the complete and total silence for just a few moments. 


*seriously, how DOES he do that?*  as I was about to press "Publish" the child appeared on the stairs.  Ok, so no silence today but that's ok, we have work to do.


/Tracy

Day Eighty Four

Our days are starting later and later.  I need to determine what time is ok and what time is just too late.  We've had a stagger out of bed at 11:30 and a bright eyed and bushy tailed at 6am.  Seriously, a little tiny bit of continuity wouldn't hurt at all.

I got the Banker up today at 9:45, fed him full of fresh from the oven biscuits (so my mum could try them too!) and now he's finally starting his day.  Math day.  Math u See, next chapter and T4L math review chapter 15 so we can be finished.  I don't think we'll renew our T4L for next year, it's a little young and since I bought Math (Algebra), English, Literature and Grammar books for next year I really don't see the need.  It was a good bridge to get us through the end of this year but it doesn't really fit into our schedule for next year, I don't think. 

We have been playing and playing and playing.  I am so lost in space and feel as though I've totally lost my footing where school is concerned.  I feel as though we've fallen behind but then trying to determine behind WHAT?  We are the gage, can we fall behind ourselves?  It messes with my head. 

We have a bunch of errands this afternoon we will drag Banker to with us, he can Minecraft with his friends tonight for a bit.  I don't want him on much when mum is here but he's sort of missing it I think.  I'll cut him a few hours of slack. I think.  I'll admit, I feel terribly unsure this week, of everything.  We should have just booked the week off school and been done with it but my committee just wouldn't let that happen.

The girls are gigantic!  I can't believe these chickens grow this much, this fast.  They are all lovely people birds, well, except Alouette who is sort of a bully.  Mean ole' screamy Martini has come around and leaps on me joyfully.  YES, they are joyful! I think they miss me when I'm not hanging in the gazebo with them.  They watch me when I leave and run excitedly to me when I return.  Sure, it's the food but I'll take it...  I love chicken love! 

The Banker is working hard and I hope doesn't run into too many problems today.  The new concept is one he's been exposed to so hopefully it's an easy work day for him.  I'm trying to get done what I want to get done today, fingers crossed. 

/Tracy

Day Seventy Seven

We managed to get it all done yesterday. Yay us.

The Banker got his work mostly done then we moved, together, into errands, laundry, a tiny tidy and a toilet clean.  We both worked, we both played, not a bad deal at all. I made a killer chicken divan for dinner.  Husband even came home a little early to eat with us, which resulted in Banker being told to be quiet too many times while we giggled while we ate then he got moaned at then husband collapsed in that stupid recliner (how can someone hate a piece of furniture? I do!) and fell dead asleep.  Banker was upset, he has an idea in his head of how every evening will be different and it never is.  I am torn between trying to try to help fix it or just move dinner way early again.  I get that you're tired and fed up when you come home from work, hell I did it for years and years, and not a nice office job with set hours.  I just never kicked my dog or blamed him for a crappy day when I came in.  I'll have to think about this one.


I asked Banker to spend some time with the girls outside, for fresh air.  They are getting so big!  He wanted to have some time online playing Minecraft with his friends.

I told him to work it out.  He did. Way to multi-task baby!

Computer on lap, chickens in the hand.  Sweet multitasking, dear. The chickens are sweet, they look hungover as they are part fluffy, part feathered with oversized feet.  They don't like to eat their feed from the ground and prefer to be hand fed.  I think I broke the chickens! :)  They all love to be held and cuddled, except Martini.  She is the largest and has taken over Punk duty from Chicken.  Chicken and Edna (Flossy) are the cuddlers of the group.  Alouette will sit with me for long periods of time and fall asleep on my arm.  I sing to her in French. Peck and Sunny are indifferent to me but love Banker and FriendA.

Today is math day, and it was going to be "move all that Lego" day but really, we LIVE here.  I want him to move it when we have the 10 children (oh kill me now) over for lunch on Thursday so it doesn't get destroyed or mess up my house too badly up there, but certainly not because his grandmother is coming to visit.  I remember when I was a kid, it was a mad dash to clean, tidy and remove all evidence of anyone living in the house before my Nana arrived.  Now, she was a hell of a gal, she'd call it like she saw it and had no, seriously, NO, filter when it came to offering her opinion of ANYthing.  I watched my mother wither many times when Nana would describe the chaos, anarchy or filth (??? hardly!) of our home or anything inside it to all and anyone who would listen.  I'm not going there and my mom has too big of a filter (directly of course :)).

Is my house pristine?  Oh heck no.  There are piles of who knows what on every flat surface.  There's Lego, books, blankets and a million pillows everywhere here.  I keep finding socks on most floors but pushed to the edge and corners of course.  There's boy stuff, man stuff and me stuff everywhere.  We live here.

I have clean toilets, clean linens and clean bedding for mum as well as all the brandy, vodka and wine she can drink. Her carpet is vacuumed, her TV works and she has hangers and empty drawers.  There are new batteries in the remotes for her TV and overhead lamp/fan. Yeah, I'm good.  I'm going to cook big and thoroughly enjoy having her here.  I'm not going to fret over a spider web or some dust.  She does have enough of a filter and lives 1,684 miles away so if she hates anything, she'll wait patiently and complain about me/it when she goes back.  I won't hear about it so we're golden.  Also, cocktailing and eating sounds better than steam cleaning then worrying if it's good enough.  HEY, maybe SHE can vacuum tomorrow??  Oh yeah, I'm a lovely daughter.

Back to school.  It's math day but if he's not completely done by the time I need some assistance or by the time we need to go, he can finish it tomorrow. Oh and for those keeping score, no, he hasn't finished his book yet.  I told him we'll reevaluate how we pick the classics when he finishes this one, I'm sticking to my guns and need to find a better literature system.  I want him to read these books but I do not want it to be painful.  I'll think of something I'm sure.

On a side note, I got up at 4am, snoring spouse and back of my head fretting were the culprits.  I've been having dreams that disturb me a bit.  They sort of go against what I think I would do given the same circumstance.  Maybe letting my alter ego have at it in the wee hours takes the edge of the drudgery for me?  Who knows.  At least there's familiarity, the same dream for months now.  In any event, I have loads of coffee, loads to do and think the excitement of the Banker seeing his Nana 'live' for the first time in 4 years will keep me going nicely.

It's 6am, is it too early to start cooking?

/Tracy

Day Seventy Three

WHAT a difference a day makes.

Yesterday, the Banker slept late, ate heartily upon rising (I'd made buttermilk biscuits for him).  He worked at his tasks without whining, moaning, bitching or pre-teen angst.

He blew through his work, 100%, 100%, 100%.  English, all complete, 100%.  Math (one particular concept he's fought with) reviewed, re-watched, re-worked, he asked for extra practice sheets (!) ASKED for more work to practice!  Practice lessons, 100%.  Test retake, 100%.

Brilliant.

We discussed some process issues, book issues, moving some pending work to another day.  We talked about life, chickens, happiness, his future, my future, my mother.  We giggled, danced and he sang, sang, sang, while he worked.

Brilliant.

I took some mental health time today.  There's so much to do here at the house, it's a mess and I feel out of control with it.  It feels overwhelming for some reason.  I need some me time.  I took the girls (chickens) outside to the gazebo, set up a chair and sat in there with my glass of wine and just watched them peck and scratch.  They ran to me, climbed on me and little, ugly, Edna fell asleep on my arm.  I needed the time out.  I can't believe how I feel for these chickens.

Brilliant.

Husband went out to play with his friends, probably laughing, joking, relaxing.  All the things he doesn't, can't or won't do here.  So long as he's happy and having fun.

Brilliant.

I cooked and experimented, liked some and hated some.  I cooked the best pork fried rice ever, way to use up the two teensy scrawny little pork chops leftover from last night.  Hardly enough to feed one of us let alone a mountain for both plus loads of leftover for Bankers lunch tomorrow.

Brilliant.

The Banker is going to shadow FriendA today at a co-op. He wanted to get the feel for one and she invited him, excellent timing.  I am going to try to get some stuff done here, I am sort of paralyzed when he's here working, I feel I need to be available, across the table for him, during school.  I am sure it'll find it's level.  All in all, even after the blow out of the other day, I truly think he's happy with home school, excited to be able to check out the Co-op and I am going to try to get SOMEthing done here with time all by myself.

Brilliant.

I came downstairs at 6am and found the Banker dressed, milk in hand, at the computer working through Language Arts Extensions to finish up some work.  Really?  I might love this. He flipped over to a little Minecraft when he finished.

Now then.  THAT is a conversation.  ALL the teen boys seem to be fascinated with the build your own world game that is Minecraft.  The graphics are crappy, the movement slow to medium at best and they love love love it.  It looks like Lego on the screen, well, if Lego had no sharp edges, unfocused Lego.  There has been some discussion between mothers as to how long to allow them to play this obsessive game, in one sitting.  Now, there's no killing or gore, or very little and it's amateurish at best. They have to work with each other to gather, mine and harvest what they need to build this world so perhaps there's a little ethics in there? They call each other in Skype, use the conference call program and all chat while they all play. They all call into one server (old school!) and play and build in the world they've created and saved.

They have been playing way too many hours in a row lately and one of the moms suggested a time limit, I love that.  We've decided they have to be off by 9pm, sounds reasonable.  We decided they have 3 hours (maximum) in a sitting, that also works just fine.  But I'll be honest, I wonder whether they need and use this time more so for social engaging rather than for the actual computer game.  They talk the whole time about what they need to do/work/buy/sell/harvest/mine/build and are dedicated to it to a fault.

I don't think we're turning them into sociopath ax murderers by letting them sit staring at screens for hours.  In a ridiculous manner, they are learning typing skills, keyboarding, some minor programming, how to get along, how to bargain, barter and negotiate.  They are learning to plan, to plot, to design and to build.  I hate to admit it but none of the items on this list is a bad thing.  They aren't shooting each other to smithereens with blood splattering across a screen.  Thank goodness.

Under the "super mom" category, it gives me a break when he's online with the friends.  *nice*  I can exhale, be inside my own head and make my own plans for my own life.  I need changes around here and when he's occupied so deeply, I can think about what I need to happen, for me, it's time.  I do know how easy it is to sit and start playing an obsessive game, Lemmings comes to mind.  I could play that all day, 3 hours was a blink.  I do understand their not realizing the time when they're so engaged.

I guess I wonder whether it's really that big of a deal if the work is done, what's wrong with engaging with your friends playing a group game instead of sitting in front of a television watching what other people want to put in your head.  Would we time limit them if it was a board game?  A card game?  Lego, Megablox or Lincoln Logs? Would we be concerned if they were playing with army men? GiJoe? Marbles?   I wonder if the conversation, time and energy spent with each other building relationships usurps the fact it's over a glowing rectangle.  What if it was just on the phone?  This is how home school kids, public school kids, friends and neighbors, from an area over 90 miles wide spend time hanging out when all their work is done.

I'll be thinking about that today.

/Tracy