Week 9, 8th

Oh good grief this see saw world I'm in may be the death of me.  Just when I thought we had a solid handle on all this home school stuff, the Banker goes and makes some very unfortunate choices.  He made questionable (and I use that term loosely) choices in quality of completed work, volume of "completed" work and then decides, in a split second, to roll his eyes and mock something I'd said...like all teenagers are wont to do at some point, however he did it directly in front of me.  Good grief, child. 

I snatched "screens" from him for a day for the mocking and until all the work was completed as required and in a much more readable and professional format than a piece of scrap paper with 3/  A,B,B,A,C,B,D,7  scratched across it... what the hell is THAT?  "Section 3".  of WHAT?  "History".  Oh I think not not not not. 

I'll admit it's probably me being lazy or that I just suck in general.  I'm peri-menopausal and am having my own issues with a complete and total lack of self worth, exhaustion, massive confidence issues and am totally convinced that I have no relevance.  I have no help, no support and am generally feeling useless and like the help.  I'm also hot all the time, think I'm too fat, wrinkled and am living in free tee shirts I've found and haven't had a hair cut in a year.  I just need some stinking clothes that fit and don't make me feel hot and gross.   Nice to have THAT tidbit of work tossed my way as "completed'.  Ugh.

I'm trying ways to get kudos, support, or a cheering section from the inner sanctum but it's not working and I'm setting myself up for all levels of confirmation that I suck by waiting quietly for any form of recognition and when nothing comes; I feel worse.  Did I mention I'm in a funk? I am looking for enthusiasm, excitement, laughter and just a way to not be so exhausted by it all. I just don't want to have a weep today, oh wait, too late, maybe tomorrow.  Helluva think to shoot for every day.

I will say this, on the schooling front, the Banker did pull up his bootstraps and has done some beautiful work yesterday and today but c'mon, we need some consistency here.  I guess I failed miserably, what else is new, at monitoring and supervision.  I did put an immediate system in place to rectify that.  New system?  Banker isn't finished until I've reviewed the books for the day, every day.  He only has 3 subjects a day so it's not going to take hours.  He had been putting the books on my desk every day for me to review before he needed them again the following week, that descended into, "I'm going to finish something THEN put it on your desk" then to "what book? you saw it".

I'm in a gigantic funk.  I want to get away for a couple of days.

Now, he did do lovely work yesterday, as I said but then when I came outside to check on my family, (who only sit outside to watch TV) I discovered the Banker playing on his phone... um, that's a screen, dear.  So, even though he finished his work and corrected the old stuff, he did mock me and then snuck onto screens so it's another day, or two, before he'll be reunited with the Great Glowing Rectangle.

He finished the book, Divergent, that my mother brought him.  He read it voraciously, we love that.  He finished last night and is desperate for the next in the series.  Yay!  I think he's emailing my mother today asking for the next, we love that. 

I'm going to supervision lightly today, try not to let the funk overtake me and weigh me down even further.  I'm going to be delighted in the work the Banker completes, help him when he needs it and have a giggle when we stuff BBQ pulled pork into the dough that's rising to make BBQ bread pockets, that's gotta be good.  I'm going to have a very stiff drink in 3 minutes because it'll be 10:30 and my Nana always had her "elevensies" at 10:30. I'm nothing if not my grandmother's granddaughter.

I'm sure it'll be better tomorrow, it sort of has to. 

/Tracy

WEDNESDAY

Field trip day.  Oh heck we needed this.

We went to Pease Park in Austin and hung out.  The Banker took the camera and took a bunch of really really cool pictures, visited with friends then we went to lunch.

We needed this time out.  We are both rejuvenated.

Every other Wednesday is now field trip day, bonus.

/Tracy